Fear Is The Heart of Love
by prettypunk369
Summary: An incurable and deadly disease courses through Onodera's veins. He isn't expected to live past the age of thirty. Will Onodera overcome his fear of love before it's too late? How will this tragic love story truly end? (Third-Genre: Drama)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello fellow yaoi lovers! This is actually kind of an experimental fiction to work on my tragedy writing skills, since they aren't the best. Please tell me your honest opinion on this story as it goes along! Criticism is appreciated, but don't be an ass about it. XP**

**Onodera has Ebola, a rare, deadly, and incurable disease. I may not portray the disease exactly, but I needed a disease and Ebola was the closest thing that I wanted. So sorry if not all the facts are perfect and what not, but just enjoy the story.**

***SPOILER (Kind of XD)* This story starts (after the prologue/first chapter) along with the manga; after Onodera collapses. I will explain everything in the story. **

**I will switch between first-person POV and third-person POV in this fic, but I think it will mostly be in third-person. Don't like it? Too bad! Some parts sound better in first-person and vice versa. I'm mean, aren't I? XD**

**Sorry for the super long, confusing, and pointless Author's Note. Let's get started!**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 1-

**(1****st**** person P.O.V)**

The day I found out I was dying was the day I confessed to Saga-senpai. Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever, or Ebola, my doctor told me. I still remember the day of my world ending and crashing down on me miserably.

~_**Flashback**_~

I watched blossoms fall off the Sakura tree that grew outside my window. I heard the sobs of my mother, but they didn't affect me. I lifelessly looked out the window from my hospital bed, my bright green eyes unusually dull and blank. The doctor delivered his news bluntly, as he should.

"_He has Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever, or better known as the Ebola Virus. I'm aware that this disease has appeared in your family before, and it is most likely he contracted it from that. There is no cure for Ebola, and your son will most likely not live past the age of thirty. There is treatment, but I doubt will do any good due to his level of the disease."_

My mother was in hysteria and almost collapsed herself and my father didn't move nor speak. The doctor left, leaving the Onodera family to cope on their own.

'_Ironic, isn't it?_' I thought bitterly.

~_**End of Flashback**_~

That day at school, I felt fine. A rarity since the end of primary school, I wasn't racked with pain or fever. My confidence must have been better as well, for I had confessed to my first love; Saga-senpai. But I soon fell back into the grip of pain and sickness that day and I was sent to the hospital after I collapsed after school. That was then I received the news of my signed death warrant.

My uncle had Ebola, but before we found out it was too late. He passed away when I was only seven. I spent time with him often when he wasn't traveling the world as a missionary. He had contracted the rare and deadly virus somewhere in Africa, and had spread it to me eventually. As I reached the end of elementary school, I started to feel the woe of death but didn't realize it. Often out of school due to high fevers and pains, my doctors always scratched their heads and shrugged, telling me I just had a weak immune system and contracted the flu easily.

As I reached high school, it got worse. Almost every day, I was in some way sick. Of course, I fell in love. Bitterly and hopelessly in love, I knew I was stupid. I would never be able to fulfill my love as death approached closer. I wasn't expected to live past thirty, and yet I continued my relationship with him; Saga-senpai. Of course I never told him, so I selfishly held onto him with my whole-hearted and ineffable love.

But the shock of breaking up and thinking it was all a game for him pulled me out of school for the rest of the year. I had run home, tears leaving a trail behind me and with an acrimonious heartbreak. I reached home and collapsed in front of my parents, landing me in the hospital again.

My parents couldn't stand to see me suffer, so they sent me to England for the limited treatment I could receive after the school year was over. As I went to school abroad, I was treated, but fruitlessly. I returned to Japan to strike a deal with my parents. A deal I knew would hurt my parents more than me in the long run. I wanted to work, but they had prohibited me from having a job. I used tears as my ally and they acceded. Of course they put me in their own company to keep an eye on me and gave me good authors for my benefit and enjoyment.

Soon though, I hated working there. Jealous editors tormented me and I felt worthless along with dying. Again, I asked my parents and they reluctantly, and sadly, agreed. But they had their own conditions too. When the time came when I was mostly bed ridden, I was to quit and return to them if I did not have someone to take care of me. I suppose they meant if I was married or in a relationship, my significant other could care for me, but I had vowed to never fall in love again so I knew I would return to my parents. They originally had wanted me to come home only after a year, but as the main victim, I pleaded with the excuse of a dying wish. I told them I wanted to leave my own legacy behind after my death without the help of my family.

I went to Marukawa, unbeknownst to me at first it was mostly through my father's connection to Marukawa. Ironically, I ended up in shoujo manga. Only to have, yet again, the shock of my life.

My boss was a brutal and workaholic man named Takano Masamune, previously named Saga Masamune. Saga-senpai. The universe must hate me I had concluded.

He has chased me for the time I have been working here, vowing that he'd make me fall in love with him again. This of course clashed with my own vow of tenaciously not falling in love again, especially not with the same man.

But I know I am slowly weakening, in heart and body.

I come closer to death every day, Ebola eating away at me. The medication I have covers up my symptoms on the outside and helps keep fevers and pains at bay, but it grows weaker and my disease grows stronger. My heart is also giving in, but to another virus I call Takano. This man is determined and unknowingly chasing a hopeless cause, for I have still not told him yet that the end is near for me. How could I? It is not his business I defiantly think, but I know deep inside the real reason I haven't told him is because I don't want to hurt him. He deserves better than a dying man who pushes him away and rejects him everytime, for the sake of both of them. I know I take a piece of him everytime I do this, but he doesn't know why I do this. He doesn't know the real reason of why I act like this, so he continues and it cracks my resolve more and more.

But I know I am slowly weakening, in heart and body.

**Sorry if this is bad, but I said I am working on my tragedy skills and you can probably see why. My writing…ugh! XD**

**Please Review! Reviews are much appreciated fuel! :D**

**See you next chapter! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my beautiful readers! Happy November~! You guys are just the sweetest! I was not expecting that many reviews! I will take your guys advice and try to be more confident in my writing. I'm glad you guys were able to emphasize with Onodera.**

**BTW, this scene will be a bit different from the actual manga scene to fit the story. Just letting you know…**

**Okay, enough blabbing! Let's start! Remember, this starts with/after Onodera collapses in the manga.**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 2-

**(1****st**** Person P.O.V)**

"Onodera-san?"

I turned around, my hand on the handle of the door.

"Please, be careful. If you continue this kind of lifestyle, you're just going to get worse. Your Ebola is bad enough already. Please make the right decisions," The doctor gave me a sympathetic look. A look I have received from everybody over the years. A look I have come to hate.

I forced a stressed smile and said, "I will. Thank you."

In the manga business, you need to make sacrifices and don't have time for taking care of yourself properly. I was going to die anyways, so why did it matter?

I creaked open the door and looked to see Isaka and….Takano? My eyes widened and I grew nervous.

'_Shit, why is HE here?! I really don't feel like dealing with him, I feel like shit,' _I continued to avert my eyes as he sternly narrowed his at me.

"Onodera? What happened?"

"W-Well I collapsed from exhaustion, neglect of health, overwork, and m-malnutrition," I added a strained chuckle at the end but he scowled.

"Overwork? Malnutrition?"

I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. I knew malnutrition was the worst problem. My doctor in England had heavily warned me about eating right, and here I was collapsing from malnutrition.

I quickly walked past him to the vending machine, my throat parched. My tongue felt too big for my mouth as I punched in the numbers for a soda. I snatched it up and chugged it down, ignoring the conversation Takano and Isaka were having.

.

.

The car ride was awkwardly silent. I stared out the window, watching the colors and scenery blur past. The grey sky wept as raindrops rolled down the exterior of the window. Takano made a left into a particularly heavy torrent of rain and I smiled a little.

I had always loved the rain. It reminded me of bitter-sweet memories and the past. The day Saga-senpai first held my hand and I ran home in panic, it was raining. It had rained a lot in England and when the pain was especially unbearable, the rain was what lulled me to sleep those nights. As I was curled into a ball underneath my sheets, fever and pain racking my body and sweat glistening, the rain pattered lightly on my window and I feel asleep to the whispers of the wet night.

"Oi Onodera, we're here."

I jolted out of my thoughts and looked around. Sure enough, we were in the shabby parking lot underneath the apartment building. I stepped out and trudged to the elevator, too tired to care that Takano was following me.

I did care though when he was shoving his way through my apartment.

"Takano-san! What are you doing?" I screeched as he pushed through my door and marched to the kitchen. He flung the fridge door open and I froze. He turned his cold glare to me and yelled, "What the hell?! Convenient store lunches and energy drinks? Do you have anything healthy?!"

"I have a couple granola bars and an apple! It's fine!" I knew it was useless to argue because we both knew I was wrong.

"Onodera!"

"I'm fine Takano-san! Really! It's not your business anyways!"

Takano grabbed my wrist and dragged me to my bedroom. I tried to break his death-grip on my skinny arm, but it was pointless. He threw me down on the bed and commanded like a general, "You, rest!"

"Asshole…" I mumbled, but stayed put on the bed. I faced the wall away from him and prayed he'd leave soon. But of course he didn't.

I felt the bed creak as he sat on the edge and his weary sigh was clear to me. The guilt that pooled at the bottom of my stomach grew as I heard that sigh. Was I really the cause of this much stress and exhaustion to him? I knew I would never be able to repay him, as much as I denied the fact I owed him. He had been taking care of me and watching me since the beginning, something I would never do for him. Underneath his stoic mask and cold demeanor, I knew he truly loved me and worried for me. So why did I treat him like this? As if he was the worst person alive? Why was I so selfish?

'_Because I have to,' _The hard truth rattled me and tears welled in my eyes. Suddenly I felt the warmth leave my body and I curled into a ball. I blinked away my weak tears as I heard Takano speak.

"Overwork, huh? Maybe I've been working you too hard," Takano sighed again and I bit my lower lip roughly. More trouble I was causing him. Why do I do this? Why does Takano love a person like me? A horrible, selfish person who could die at any time, and he would never know why. I would just leave him here to suffer, alone and confused. Confused of why I left him, why I never told him, and if I ever loved him.

'_I can't. I just can't tell him. It would hurt him more.'_

"….It's not your fault," I said finally.

"Eh?"

I stayed silent for a moment before I replied, "Extra self-study."

"Self-study?"

"I-I was doing a lot of extra work at home and I guess I got carried away. I wanted to catch up as soon as possible to you so I could do my work better," I admitted all this, slightly ashamed. I knew my actions had been ridiculous, but my pride never ceased to amaze me at how stubborn and driven it could be.

"Baka!" Takano barked and I jumped, not expecting that reaction.

"I have many more years of experience than you! Of course I'm ahead of you, you idiot! Did you really think you'd catch up to my years of work in _months?"_

"N-No! I know I couldn't do that! But I want to as experienced as soon as possible!"

"Well, apparently you didn't know because you did it anyways!" Takano heaved a sigh, shaking his head. I felt like crying for some reason and curled up tighter. Suddenly, the man next to me chuckled.

"You know, it's funny. Even after all this time, you're still chasing after me."

I gasped a little and my eyes widened. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I realized he was right. Even though the reasons were different, I was still watching him. Still trying to be his equal. Still trying to get him to notice me.

"So? What's wrong with that?" I said softly, almost to myself. I buried myself deeper into the sheets, not wanting to look at him.

I heard his soft laughter again and his large hand ruffled my hair. My heart jumped at the sensation of his cool fingers brushing my scalp and I blushed unintentionally. The pressure suddenly lightened on the bed as Takano rose and my chest tightened painfully at the thought of him leaving me. I moved before I could think and my fingers curled around fabric. I pulled on the hem of his jacket, almost dragging him with me as I crashed to the floor.

"What the hell?!" I heard him holler as I scrambled back up on the bed.

"S-Sorry! N-Neverm-mind!" I was sitting on my legs now with my hands in my lap. I clutched the fabric of my jeans and blushed crimson red. I felt his fingers run through my hair again and he replied quietly, "Do you want me to leave?"

I twisted my eyes shut as my hand shakily found his. Nervously, my fingers fumbled as they wrapped around his warm palm and I shook my head the slightest.

..

I found myself curled into Takano's warmth. One of his arms laid on my waist and the other one was underneath my head, supporting it. His hand stroked my hair as my face was pressed into his chest. I inhaled deeply, taking in the lingering scent of his shirt. Coffee, cigarettes, and something familiar. A combination that could only be Takano.

For once, I'll let myself be selfish. For once, I'll let myself be weak. For once, I'll let myself to hold on to something I wanted to ten years ago.

"I love you, Ritsu," Takano whispered as I felt lips graze my forehead.

But my only thought was, '_Takano smells like the rain.'_

**Wow, that scene took the entire chapter. O-O Lol.**

**Maybe this story will mostly be in first-person P.O.V. Maybe even all of it. Ugh, I'm so indecisive! XD**

**See you next chapter! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! I'm in a good mood, so I decided to update today! It's my birthday! (Well, technically tomorrow)…But, Yay! :D**

**I just wanted to appreciate you guys' continued support! You've all been there for me and keep me going, constantly encouraging me. I LOVE YOU! :)**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 3-

**(1****st**** Person P.O.V)**

I woke up nauseous. I could feel the burning sensation building up and rose from the bed quickly. Well, tried to get up. An arm was slung across me tightly and I immediately remembered Takano.

'_Shit, he really needs to let me go unless he wants me to throw up on him!' _I wriggled and pushed his arm until I was free. The bile rising in my throat, I made a mad dash to the bathroom. I released the contents of my stomach in the toilet, gagging as the smell stung my nostrils. After throwing up a few times, I continued to dry gag for a couple of minutes. When the horrid retching seemed to be over, I closed the lid and flushed the toilet. Resting my forehead on the cool seat, I tried to clear my head and breathed heavily. I prayed Takano didn't hear me. I knew he would fuss over me like a mother goose if he knew.

I chuckled a little as I imagined Takano with gray feathers and a bill, flapping his wings and squawking. My laughter built up and I had to put a hand over my mouth to silence my giggles. The laughs died down though and I returned to reality. Suddenly, pain flared in my abdomen and I clutched my stomach. Everything ached and my head was fuzzy. I couldn't remember the last time I took my Ebola medication.

'_It's been almost a week. I'm supposed to take it every three days,' _I gradually got up, using the wall for support. I stumbled to the sink and rummaged through the cabinet underneath it. Hidden in a small black case in the corner, I took the three prescription bottles out. The small pills tumbled out into my palm, mockingly staring up at me. Six pills I had to take, two from each bottle. I studied the pills, wondering what would happen if I stopped taking these. Would I die? Would I die quickly or slowly and painfully, suffering because of my decision? No matter what I did, I suffered. Shaking my head to clear such thoughts, I dryly swallowed the meds. I hid the bottles again and achingly walked out of the bathroom.

Takano was still in the bed, sound asleep. I walked to the side of the bed, analyzing the handsome face below me. His midnight hair was askew and long eyelashes rested on his cheek. He looked serene and innocent, a look I never witnessed on him. I reached out and ran my hand over his hair. His beauty made my heart ache. A man devoted and stubborn, he never ceased to amaze me at how determined he was to have me. I had the chance to have him all to myself but I consistently pushed him away. My hand slipped down to his cheek and lightly rested there as my eyes devoured his face. He usually would wake up by now, but I was grateful he hadn't. I wanted to enjoy this moment as long as I could. One of the few moments I had him to myself, everything quiet and clear. Everything fair and loving, not twisted and resentful as I was. Why was it so damn hard?

Beads of water fell on my hand and I looked up expecting a leak in the ceiling. I felt wetness on my cheeks and realized it was my own tears. I looked back down as more fell onto the sheets. I felt cold and small, unloved and unwanted, lonely and broken. I removed my hand from Takano's warm cheek and rubbed my eyes like a child. The pain in my abdomen had lessened, but there was a sharp pain in my chest. And this pain couldn't be helped with medicine.

Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the bedroom before I was rooted to that spot of serenity forever. I started to brew coffee and sat at the dining table, waiting for my daily caffeine. Some moments later, I heard my bedroom door open and a familiar voice call, "Onodera?"

"Yes, Takano-san?" I replied as he strolled into the dining room. He yawned and said, "What are you doing up?"

"Making coffee. Want some?"

"No, I'll get it myself. You should go back to bed."

"I can take care of myself," I sighed exasperatedly. He glared at me and growled, "Onodera."

"Ugh, fine!" I threw my hands up dramatically. I stood up and stomped into my bedroom, plopping down on the bed. '_Stupid Takano-san,' _I thought to myself as I drew the covers up to my chin. But I knew he was just taking care of me, as usual. My door opened and I heard his deep voice rumble, "Here."

I sat up and he gave me a mug of coffee. I mumbled my thanks and sipped the warm brown liquid. I already sensed some energy returning and felt refreshed. Takano's warm hand brushed across my forehead and he said, "Good, no fever."

Smacking his hand away, I grumbled, "See? I'm fine. Now you can leave."

He crossed his arms and said, "I'm not leaving."

"W-What? Why?" I spluttered. Last thing I need his him staying.

"Because your house is a pigsty and needs to be cleaned. Since you're sick, you're going to rest while I clean."

"N-No! I can clean it myself! I don't need you to!"

"Onodera, since when have you ever cleaned your house? I highly doubt you ever will anyways!"

"I will, but I haven't had the time," I placed my now finished cup of coffee on the night stand next to me. I jumped up but immediately felt dizzy. Stumbling, Takano caught me and sighed.

"See? Go back to bed," He pushed me down and threw the covers over me. I struggled to sit up, but he kept a firm hand on me until I gave up.

"Fine. Do what you want," I pouted and pulled the sheets over my head. I didn't want to see or hear him right now. His big hand ruffled my hair underneath the blanket and his heavy footsteps echoed away. As soon as I heard the door click close, I bolted upright. I stared at the door, contemplating if I should go out there and face the wrath of the demon in my living room, or stay in the safe haven of my room. I chose the latter and settled down, snuggling into the safety of my blankets.

.

.

I didn't know I feel asleep until I felt someone shaking me and calling my name. The haze cleared and the voice of Takano drifted to my hearing, "Onodera, wake up."

"Nnghh….Hmm?" I hummed as I forced my eyes to slide open. Takano stood over me, a hand on my shoulder.

"I made dinner. Get up and come eat," He stood upright and walked out. The smell of food drifted into the room and my mouth watered. I groggily stood, yawning and rubbing my eyes. Takano had switched the lights on and I gasped as I looked around. The room was freaking spotless! He even dusted and swept the floor!

I snorted and grumbled, "Perfectionist. Always showing off his skills."

I was jealous of his abilities to do everything, but appreciated the help he always gave. Not that I would EVER tell him that. He doesn't need me to add to his already over-inflamed ego.

I was drawn to the kitchen with the promise of food to fill my stomach. I admired the work Takano had done to the apartment in the few hours I was asleep. Everything was cleaned, organized, and perfect. I sat down and waited for the food to arrive. Takano came in and placed the dinner out on the table of rice, salmon, and miso soup. I don't remember the last time I had a real meal, and I sighed at the beautiful dinner set before me.

"Itadakimasu!" I picked up my chopsticks and dug into my food. Takano sat across from me, calmly eating his dinner.

"Nice bed-head," He smirked as I felt the heat run into my cheeks. I ignored him and continued to eat.

"Uhh…how long was I asleep?" I asked through a mouthful of rice.

"About six hours. I cleaned as you slept."

"I see that."

"You would not believe the size of the dust bunnies I found underneath your couch. Seriously, did you ever think of at least dusting?"

"S-Shut up! I'm sorry I'm not Mr. Perfect with a clean house and home-cooked meals every night!" I point at him as 'Mr. Perfect' with my chopsticks. He took the indication as a compliment and smirked.

"If you lived with me, you wouldn't have this problem."

I blushed again and stared at my food, ignoring him for the rest of the meal.

.

.

"Onodera, I'm leaving. I have work in the morning. Call me if you need anything."

"But I'm going to work tomorrow."

"No you're not. You're staying home for at least another day."

"What! Takano-san, I'm fine!" I quickly dried my hands from washing dishes and stomped over to him. He simply stared down at me and I crossed my arms.

"Tomorrow we're moving into the new building! I can't miss that; it's super important! Isaka-san will kill me," I hissed but he simply shrugged.

"I can tell him you're sick; he'll understand. He's the one who watched you collapse after all, why would he force you to go to work?"

"Takano-san!" I stomped my foot. I knew I was being childish.

"Onodera!" He warned and I shut my mouth. Arguing with him was pointless because I knew I was going to lose anyways. He sighed and ruffled my hair.

"As I said, call me if you need anything."

I just nodded, continuing to stare at the floor. I heard him sigh and slip on his jacket. I suddenly felt constriction in my chest with the thought of him leaving. I looked up quickly to see his hand on the door knob.

"Um, Takano-san!"

He turned towards me, curiosity on his face at my sudden call. I struggled for words, not even knowing the exact reason why I called out to him. I settled with expressing my gratitude.

"Um, well…T-Thank you," I said dumbly. I mentally smacked myself at my fail of charm and my extreme awkwardness. But he genuinely smiled, another rarity that sent my heart racing. Heat pooled in my chest and rose in my cheeks as I saw him smile. How could he have this effect on me?

I felt his lips on mine before I knew what was happening. I shivered as his hands rested on my waist. This kiss was soft and gentle, full of love. Not urgent or lustful; just pure and innocent like a first kiss. For once, I didn't protest and scream at him. This was another moment I wanted to cherish and keep before I died. Those few beautiful moments.

As his lips lingered, I started to feel light-headed. I placed my hands softly on his chest, pushing back. He pulled back, expecting my usual abuse and bantering of protesting. But I just shook my head and whispered, "I'm dizzy."

He saw the clouded look in my eyes and nodded. I felt the warmth of his lips brush my cheek before his hands fell away from my body, leaving the area it touched warm. He opened the door and slipped away, leaving me there standing alone. My head was spinning and my heart beat hard in my chest. I missed his entire being already. I mindlessly went back to bed, settling down and closing my eyes. I curled up, wishing for the heat of Takano to envelope me.

**Damn, Onodera is pretty angsty. XD**

**Please review and tell me what you think! Is this story progressing well so far? Sorry for the many questions Onodera asks in the story. Is it all too much? XD**

**See you next chapter! :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry! I was gone longer than usual because I had to fly half across the country for one of my brother's wedding, and I couldn't bring my computer ;_; But I had a lot of fun!**

**Sweet reviews! Thanks guys!**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 4-

"Richan! I'm so glad you're back!"

"Kisa-san, can you not choke me?"

"Oh, sorry Richan!"

"Oi, get back to work!" A stapler came flying across the room. Instinctively we ducked, the metal object sailing above our heads. I rolled my eyes and followed Kisa-san to my new desk. Though everyone was stressed and dying, I was full of energy and ready to help with the new building. I suppose it was because of sleeping all day yesterday, which was an order of the demon Chief Editor of course. Takano checked on me after work and ended up….staying the night. And of course, we ended up going to work together in the morning.

"We get to sit next to each other again! Actually the set up is the same," Kisa giggled. I started to help unpack, throwing the empty boxes outside the door. After a few hours, Isaka came to see our progress.

"Whoa, looking good! Is Takano-san working you guys into the ground?" Isaka laughed, wearing his usual huge goofy grin.

"Isaka-san, what do you want? You're interrupting our work!" Takano-san growled.

"I came by to see how things are going. You should probably give them a lunch break Grouchy," Isaka laughed again, obviously the only one amused by the nickname he gave Takano. Takano mumbled something under his breath but announced, "Fine. You guys get half an hour. If you're not back by one, your ass is in big trouble!"

We knew to take this threat seriously, so we scrambled away before he changed his mind. I heard my cell phone ringing on my desk and picked it up. The caller ID on the screen read Dr. Yukue.

'_Why is he calling?' _I frowned. He's been my personal doctor since I came back from England, watching my disease. He was a nice man and always tried to do best for me, but I still felt suffocated with all the monthly check-ups and medications. I stepped into the hall, making sure Takano didn't see me. I hit the answer button and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Onodera-san? Where were you yesterday?"

"Yesterday?"

"You had an appointment yesterday afternoon! You know you have to have a monthly check-up."

'_Shit,' _I face palmed, scolding myself for forgetting. I had been so distracted with _other _things, it totally slipped my mind.

"I am so sorry Dr. Yukue. I was sick yesterday and was at home resting; I completely forgot!" I checked behind me to see if Takano was there. He would kill me if he saw me on my phone instead off eating then getting straight back to work.

"Well, I would like you to come in today if possible. I received news that you collapsed recently, but not because of Ebola. We need to discuss that," I could hear the slight disappointment in his voice. He knew I wasn't taking care of myself. I felt even more pathetic.

"Yes, that would be fine. I'll come in after work. My apologies again, goodbye," I snapped my phone shut and went to the vending machine. I bought a snack, making sure Takano-san didn't see me again. I ate it quickly and ran back to the department only on a snack-filled stomach.

.

.

"I'll be leaving now, bye!" I called as I packed my bag. Everyone but Takano and Mino had left. I looked around to only see Takano though. I glanced at the clock. I had to be there in half an hour.

"Wait Onodera. I'll leave with you," Takano shuffled through some boxes as he spoke.

"N-No!" The word burst out of my mouth. He looked up, an eyebrow raised high.

"I-I mean…I have something to do on the way home."

"Then I'll come with you."

"No! It's something personal! Please, I can go by myself," I tried my best desperate voice and face. Apparently it worked because he relented.

"Fine. But I expect you to be at my apartment afterwards."

"W-What? W-Why?!"

"Because I'm making dinner. You're going to eat at least one meal with me every day," He stood up, holding a couple of teddy bears.

"Eh?! Why?!" I whined. He placed the stuffed animals on his desk, straightening them until they were perfectly even.

"Because I'm taking charge of your nutrition. If I hear another word out of your mouth to argue, I'll make you live with me permanently."

I zipped my mouth quickly, knowing he was dead serious. I shot him a quick glare before turning and walking out.

.

.

.

Arriving at the doctor's office just in time, I walked inside to see Dr. Yukue waiting for me. I just followed him silently. I hoisted myself up onto the examination table, the paper crinkling underneath me.

"It's been awhile Onodera-san. How are you?" He smiled and pushed his glasses farther up his nose.

"I've been fine Dr. Yukue. Busy with work," I smiled back but didn't feel comfortable.

"That's good I suppose. But as I have stressed before, please be careful when working. Your body can barely handle the stress and effort, as it was proven just the other day. You collapsed, correct?"

"Y-Yes," I suddenly felt heavy hearted. Here I was, disappointing yet another person that trusted me.

"It may have not been because of Ebola, but it certainly will have its toll on your disease. I have to draw some blood and check the virus. We'll see if it's worsened. Are you prepared for such results?"

'_Why wouldn't I be? I already have a limit to my life, what's the difference if it cuts down even more?' _But I simply nodded my head. He snapped gloves on and rolled up my sleeve. He retrieved a syringe from a drawer in the cabinet of the room. Wiping the inside of my elbow with antiseptic, I closed my eyes as I prepared for the painful prick of a needle inside my vein. I hated needles and it doesn't help I have to get my blood drawn often.

"All done," He placed the syringe now full of my blood in a plastic bag and peeled the gloves off. I unscrewed my eyes and let out a held-in breath. He pressed a cotton ball to my elbow and I held it down.

"It may be a few minutes. Are you in a hurry?"

"Not really," I remembered Takano, but shoved the thought away with a shake of my head.

"Well I'll be as fast as I can anyways. You can go to the waiting room if you want," He smiled again and strolled out the door. I soon walked out too, heading to the waiting room. I sat down and picked up a magazine. Thankfully the room was empty because it was almost closing time, so I sighed and read.

.

.

Half an hour later, I heard my name called. I looked up to see Dr. Yukue in the doorway of the waiting room. He looked forlorn and weary, his eyes sunken in and mouth in a tight line. My heart sunk as I saw that look. He had news. Bad news. I rose hesitantly and took a deep breath.

What was I so scared of? Hadn't I been expecting this all my life? I knew I wasn't supposed to live, so what did I fear so much?

"Take a seat please," He directed me to a chair in his office in front of his desk. I sat down and clasped my hands in my lap. He sat in his chair from behind the wooden desk. Silence stretched for a few moments before he breathed deeply and said, "Onodera-san, I have news."

I mechanically nodded my head. I was ready for this….right?

"The Ebola Virus…has spread faster than we anticipated. About eighty percent of your body is now infected with the disease; it is spreading dangerously fast. This is to be expected of an Ebola victim in his last few stages of the disease, but your virus is spreading quicker than we like."

My ears rung. My head pounded. My chest ached. I was a dead man walking, but more so than I expected.

"…How long?" I swallowed hard. My hands trembled and I clasped them tighter. I stared at Dr. Yukue, waiting for his dreadful response. I knew he knew what I meant.

He let out a shaky breath and said, "Probably less than a year."

A year. A year to live. A year to die.

I stood up and bowed. I bit my lip, just shy of drawing blood before I said, "Thank you for telling me. I can't live in the dark forever, can I?" I stood straight and smiled desolately. I was burrowed deep in sorrow, screaming for air. But I know no one would hear me, so I had to cope with sad smiles and very few tears. Not even Dr. Yukue understood my behavior and he sighed, "Onodera-san, I can give you more medication. It might extend your life span by a few months."

"No. Thank you though. I don't have much to live for anyways, so why waste my time taking medicine?"

"Onodera-san…"

I collected my things and smiled again, but for his sake.

"It's okay. I've been expecting to die soon anyways, so what's the difference?" I bowed again and left too hastily. He watched me go with sad eyes and a heavy heart.

…

It didn't hit me until I was on my way to Takano's apartment. I had reached our apartment complex when suddenly out of nowhere, the words shook deeply in my head.

'_Probably less than a year…'_

I immediately stopped. I hadn't realized I was still smiling from shock until it slipped off my face and my cheek muscles ached. The tile of the lobby stared back at me, watching my emotions and fears come to life. My hands trembled furiously and dropped my bag. The thump of the bag stirred me out of my current state and I snapped my head up. What was my problem? I didn't react like this when I found out I had Ebola. So what was making me like this now?

Something itched at the back of mind until a word bubbled up. Love.

I didn't realize I had said it out loud. I blinked and took a deep breath through my nose. I scoffed at my stupidity and snatched up my bag.

'_Love? I don't love…I can't love…No one loves me, so why should I?'_

But I knew that was a lie.

I was at his door before it registered. I knocked, still staring at the floor. Almost instantly, the door swung open and I heard a voice boom, "Where have you been?"

I didn't answer. I seemed to have lost my voice. I tightened my mouth as I had the temptation to cry.

"Onodera? Are you okay?" I felt his hand on my forehead to check for a fever. I weakly reached up and pushed his hand away. I peeled my lips open and a voice came out, "I'm fine."

"Well dinner is almost ready. You can wait in the living room," He left the door and I followed him inside. I slipped my shoes off and hung my jacket on the wall. The ringing in my ears seemed to increase the more I stepped farther into Takano's apartment. I dropped the bag by the couch and sunk down into the cushions. By now, I didn't hear anything but waves of sorrow and apprehension crashing inside me. The words '_a year' _bounced mockingly inside me, driving deeper into my heart everytime I thought of it. I gripped the fabric of my jeans over my knees. My breaths became shallow, but I kept them quiet. Suddenly, an overflow of tears erupted. They spilled down my cheeks and onto my shirt and lap. I didn't even try to stop them and just let them fall. I didn't care anymore if I was in someone else's apartment. I didn't care anymore about anything. I just wanted to curl into the corner and disappear forever. My body trembled violently as the tears built up then fell.

"Ritsu?" I didn't even hear Takano calling my name as he appeared by my side. He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me. My hands flew to the fabric of his shirt and clutched that instead. I buried my face in his shoulder and let the sobs escape my throat. They were loud and constant, and I couldn't hold them down anymore. I felt the sensation of his hand smoothing up and down my back. His other hand rested around my waist as I trembled in his arms. He never said anything. He just listened as I wept stridently, soaking his shirt in tears and grief. My nails dug into his shirt.

I didn't know why I was crying. I didn't know if it was because I was going to die in less than a year. I didn't know if it was because I wouldn't see my family anymore. I didn't know if it was because of the man holding me close right now, comforting me.

As I cried into his shoulder, I realized why I was.

**Don't kill me! D:**

**I'm not really feeling this chapter, but what do you guys think? I came up with as I wrote, so I think it's a bit rushed. But the real important opinion is my readers' opinion! XD**

**See you next chapter! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Konichiwa! Time for some more angst and tragedy! XD**

**What's gonna happen now? Will Onodera tell Takano? Hmm…**

**OMG! I got a ton of reviews! Thanks guys! Kyaa! :D 3**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 5-

I cried. And cried. And cried.

I have had to soak Takano's shirt by now. But he never said anything; he just held me. I clung to him still, my fingers going numb from clutching too hard. My sobs turned to whimpers and sniffs as time passed. Eventually my fingers unfurled from his shirt and I rested my hands on his chest. His own arms fell to my waist and wrapped around, squeezing me lightly. I turned my face up slightly, seeing his expression. He was staring forward, eyes open, face blank. But his eyes told me everything. He hated to see me cry, especially so despairingly. He looked sad and lost because he didn't know why I was crying.

I had to leave. I couldn't hurt him anymore. The look he had broke my heart more than he had in the past.

I pulled away. My hair fell in my eyes, my expression unreadable as I looked down. I gulped trying to find words, but came out dry.

"Ritsu?"

I trembled as he called my name. My hands slipped away from his chest and wrapped around my arms. I tried to speak again, only to say, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"…Crying. It's useless."

"Ritsu…what's wrong?"

I swallowed again and bit my bottom lip. My hands tightened around my arms until my knuckles turned white.

"Nothing. Just stress," I breathed.

"That's a lot of crying just over stress," I didn't realize his voice was so sad either.

"It's nothing. I'm going home now," I made a move to stand, but his hand shot out and fastened around my wrist. He pulled me down, my back against him and his arm around my chest. I was too tired to protest.

"Don't lie to me. Do you really not trust me enough?" His voice rung into my ear. I shivered again.

'_I love you too much.'_

"Takano-san, it's just stress. Work and home can really build up, you know?" I mustered up a strained laugh, trying to sound casual. I couldn't see his face, so I didn't know what he was thinking.

"Ritsu-,"

_**Riiing! Riiing! Riing!**_

My phone sounded from my bag on the floor. I scrambled away from Takano and dug through it. The caller ID told me it was my mother.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this. I'll see you tomorrow," I snatched up my bag and speed walked to the front door. Grabbing my coat and slipping my shoes on, I rushed out the door and to my apartment. I firmly shut the door behind me and slid down to the floor. I had missed the call, but I know she would call back any minute. I took a few deep breaths, calming my beating heart. As the phone rang for a second time, I tried not to sound like I was just crying for twenty minutes.

"Hello Mother."

The other end was silent for a moment, before it crackled with a voice, "Ritsu…It's time to come home."

'_What?'_

"Eh? Home? What do you mean Mother?" I fake laughed a little, sounding as if I was choking.

"Dr. Yukue called me earlier," It sounded as if she had just been weeping.

"Oh."

"Come home Ritsu, please. Let us take care of you. An-chan will take care of you too," She sounded desperate. I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my head on top of them. My entire body felt weak. Every limb felt like they were filled with lead. My ears ached and throat stung. A burning sensation was building up in my abdomen. I felt dull and lifeless like a doll.

"…..No Mother. I'm fine here. I love working and where I'm living. I have great co-workers and I'm happy," I hated hurting her more. I hated taking pieces of her. I hated making her wait until the day I died. I was her only child and greatest joy, and I was going to die. I was going to leave her with no light and joy; stuck between guilt and suffering.

I always hurt the ones I love. Maybe I deserved this fate. A fate of pain and grief, suffering until the end. My loved ones endured this, so why should I not bear the same burden? After all, _I _was the one dying.

"Please, Ritsu…" I knew her eyes were filling up with tears. Her voice cracked and she breathed shakily.

"Mother," Maybe I was a bad son for not doing what she wanted. She always let me do what I wanted, giving up quickly for my wishes and dreams. Maybe it was time I listened to her.

'_But what about Takano-san?' _A small voice called in the back of my head. What about him? What about the man who just held me as I cried? What about the man I loved so much, it hurt more than my disease? I couldn't just leave him, but I couldn't just tell him I was dying either.

A rift had opened up inside me. I was lost in the rift, stuck between family and love. Family should come first, right? But I was so loved by Takano, he surpassed all the love of family it seemed. Should I stay with Takano and let him hold me close or go back home to finish my last days?

The tears welled up again. I cursed myself for being such a crybaby. Why was my heart so broken and split between two decisions? This was my home now too, so…. _home or home?_

"At least visit soon. I beg of you Ritsu dear, please," My mother whispered. If I didn't choose my previous home, the least I could do was make my mother happy one last time. I owed to her and my father. To An-chan too since she had always been my friend.

"…Okay. What about this Saturday?"

"That sounds fine. Thank you Ritsu," I heard the small smile in her voice. After chatting for a few minutes, we hung up. I leaned my head back against the door, staring at the egg-white ceiling. I didn't care if I fell asleep in the genkan again. I just wanted to close my eyes and forget it all. Leave it all behind and drift away somewhere more peaceful and perfect. A place with no pain, grief, and suffering. Somewhere I could be with the one I loved and nothing to stop us from making memories forever. But no such place existed. It was a cold and cruel world, signing you to a fate that isn't entirely your own.

Pain shot up in my body and I made a sound of agony. I finally noticed I was pale, too pale. I felt my forehead; it was burning hot. I achingly stood up, using the wall as leverage. I leaned against the wall as I continued to the bathroom, moving painfully slow. How long have I been in pain? Was I too numb from shock and sorrow to notice?

I almost fell to my knees as I pushed myself off the wall. I gripped the sink counter for support and looked in the mirror. My face was drawn and white as a sheet. Dark circles hung from underneath my eyes and I looked unkempt. I was panting pretty hard and sweating slightly. Had Takano noticed?

I coughed roughly; a rumbling, scratchy sound from my chest. I was leaning over the sink, my body quivering from the effort of coughing so hard. I removed my hand from my mouth and looked at it.

'_Good, no blood. That's somewhat a good sign. But this fever isn't,' _My coughing fit had died down a little. I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on my face. It relieved the heat for a moment as I dug through the cabinet, looking for my Ebola medication. Finally grabbing the three prescription bottles, I swallowed the pills quickly.

I sunk down to the floor completely after I put the bottles back. Leaning my head against the tub, I sighed heavily as I remembered the events of the day. Quite a day, it was.

My vision blurred then faded as I fell asleep.

**Maybe I should change the genre from drama to angst. O_O **

**Uh oh, Onodera is getting worse! And he doesn't know whether to stay or to go back home! I know what you're all thinking; WHEN WILL HE TELL TAKANO?!**

**You'll see! ;)**

**See you next chapter! :) **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Did you guys have a good Thanksgiving? I know I did. :D**

**Let's get this show on the road! Lol.**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 6-

"_Senpai, I love you."_

_I felt heat rush into my face and I knew I was blushing. Did I just confess to the man I had been stalking for years? Could I handle being rejected, because honestly, that was the most likely outcome to this random, one-sided love._

"_Do you want to go out with me?"_

_Eh?_

"_W-What?"_

_Saga-senpai's hand was suddenly touching my head, making me blush harder. He ruffled my hair and said, "I don't mind."_

_._

_._

_I walked home, replaying the recent events of that day in my head._

_Saga-senpai asked me out?! What?! Why?!_

_But I knew really that I didn't care. My little heart would burst if I really went out with my first unrequited love. My face was still hot, but it wasn't from me blushing at the thoughts. I was tired and aching, my body throbbing with dull pain._

'_Great, it's starting again,' I thought sourly. By the time I was walking through the gates of the Onodera Mansion entrance, I was panting and sweating hard. Doubled over in pain, I stumbled up the steps and weakly pushed through the front doors. I coughed roughly and gasped for breath. I heard my parent's voices in the closest living room. I lurched to the grand room and leaned on the door. It swung open, revealing my parent's shocked faces as they saw my current condition._

"_Ritsu?!" My mother desperately exclaimed._

_All I saw was the floor approaching then an unfathomable blackness. I heard my mother screaming my name and my father yelling for someone to call an ambulance at the maids._

_._

_._

_._

I awoke in a cold sweat. The tile floor pressed into my side as I remembered that I had fallen asleep in the bathroom. I propped myself up on my hands and blinked away my exhaustion. My spine was stiff from the hard floor. I felt my head again to feel it was still warm.

"Dammit," I cursed under my breath. I jumped as I heard a banging on my front door and a sonorous voice yell my name.

"_**Onodera! Open this goddamn door!"**_

Fuck…

I pushed up from the tub and trudged into the main hall. Why was he screaming at me so early in the morning?! I glanced at the clock and audibly gasped. It was 11 o'clock.

"Shit!" I fumed and ran to the door. I flung it open to see an infuriated, no, more like _livid _Takano.

"Where the HELL have you been?! I came all the way from work! To you know what time it is?!"

"Gomenesai! I overslept! Please forgive me," I bowed again and again, "I'll go get ready now, please excuse me! I'll be out in five minutes."

I attempted to close the door but a black shoe wedged in between the frame and door. I opened it again and a less angry Takano said, "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yes of course! Haha, stupid me! Now _please leave!_" I couldn't hide the slight irritation in my voice. If he was so pissed at me for not being at work, he was just wasting more time!

"You can take a day off if you need to."

"What? I just took a day off! I'm fine Takano-san," I quickly slapped away the hand that approached my forehead. If he saw I had a fever, he wouldn't let me out the door.

"Fine. But if I get one complaint or see you slacking, I'm going to kick your ass!"

"Duly noted! Now I need to get ready, so you can go back to work."

"I brought my car, so I'll wait for you," Takano walked in unannounced and plopped down on the couch. I knew there was no point arguing, so I just ran into my room and rummaged through the closet.

'_Dammit! I can't find anything now that it's all clean and organized,'_ I thought as I tossed shirts and shoes around, ruining my perfect closet. A sudden wave of nausea hit me and I clapped a hand to my mouth. I gagged, but managed to swallow the rising bile down. Shaking my head to clear my clouded head, I finally found a decent shirt and pants. Throwing them on and combing my hair in ten seconds, I ran to the genkan and slipped shoes on. I felt Takano silently follow me as I snatched up my jacket, bag, and rushed out the door.

.

.

"Oooh, did Richan oversleep~?" A cheerful voice giggled.

"Shut up Kisa-san," I sat down and immediately started working.

About an hour later, our lunch break rolled in. I planned to skip it to continue to work, but I felt a heavy hand land on my shoulder and a familiar, monotone voice demand, "Oi, either you eat with me now or have dinner at my place."

I felt a vein throb at this tyrant's stubbornness and I sighed difficultly. I really didn't want to end up in his place later tonight, because I knew what would happen afterward. That left lunch with the boss.

"I'll eat lunch with you…just hold on," I mumbled as I continued to stare at the computer screen.

"Good. What do you want for lunch?"

"Umm-," I stopped short as the familiar burning sensation returned in my throat and down in my stomach.

"Hold that thought-!" I shot up and scurried to the bathroom like a mouse. I flew to the closest stall and vomited immediately into the toilet. The sounds of my retching and coughing filled the bathroom as the slimy contents slid up my throat and out of my mouth into the open mouth of the toilet below me.

'_Jesus, did Uncle throw up this much when he had Ebola?' _I grumbled internally as I barfed for the fourth time. I heard the door bang open and Takano say, "Onodera."

_Fuck!_

"Taka-!" My sentence was interrupted again by more vomit. Dots danced in my vision as I grew dehydrated from too much retching.

"Onodera? Open the door," I heard the slight desperation in his voice as he knocked on my stall. I did my best to hold down the rest and unlatched the door weakly. Everything swam in my vision as I saw the alarm in my boss's face.

"What?" I croaked.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital," I felt his hand enclose around my arm. Alarm rose in my own face and I pulled away, "No!"

'_Because you'll find out the real reason of why I'm sick.'_

"Onodera! Look at yourself! You need a doctor!"

"No! Please Takano-san, no! I'll just go home and rest!"

"Why are you so scared?"

"I-I'm not! It's just unnecessary! Hospitals are always so busy and crowded, and I'd probably be waiting for hours just to find out I have a bad fever or something!"

I brushed past him, but the world spun and I almost collapsed on the spot. But he caught me and held me up as I blinked away the dancing dots in my vision. The edges were faded to black and I knew I would lose consciousness soon if I didn't calm down.

"Onodera, _you are going," _He growled and pulled me upright. He started to walk holding on to my wrist, but I planted my feet firmly to the ground and continued to protest.

"Dammit Onodera, except a little help sometimes!" He yanked me hard and I lurched forward. Before he reached the door though, I jumped forward and grabbed the back of his shirt. This abruptly stopped him and he looked down at me.

"Please Takano-san, no," I pleaded. I didn't care if he was suspicious by my behavior, but I needed him to forget.

"Just send me home. I promise I'll rest as long as I need to and I'll eat dinner with you every night. Just don't bring me to the hospital," If he thought that I was afraid of hospitals, I didn't care. As long as he didn't know the truth.

I felt him turn around and sigh slowly. He placed a hand on my head and said quietly, "Fine, but if you're not at least remotely better by tonight, you're going to the hospital."

I nodded imperceptibly as he ruffled my hair. His hand slipped away and landed on my waist. I felt him lean forward and press his lips to my warm forehead. Red ran into my cheeks and my eyes widened. He pulled back and I half-heartedly mumbled, "Don't do that at work."

I heard his chest rumble from the small chuckle he produced and he said, "I'll drive you home."

.

Pain blossomed on the left side of my stomach as I sat down in the car seat. I flinched, but quickly covered my pained expression as Takano slid into the seat next to me. He pulled out of the parking lot and I curled up in the seat, pressing a hand to my side. It felt as if someone had stuck a knife in an inch deep, slowly pulling down and tearing my stomach open. It grew as we drove, but I showed no signs of pain except my hands pinching my sides so hard it went numb. Luckily the man next to me was too distracted with driving to notice. My vision was still blurred and the new headache wasn't helping.

Finally, we reached the apartment. I was almost in too much pain to move but I forced myself to sit up. I gritted my teeth so hard they squeaked. I excruciatingly stepped out of the car and almost moaned in agony. I was bent forward a little, still clutching my sides. Takano grabbed my arm and helped me to the elevator, believing my poker face. I might verbally be a terrible liar, but I can pull off not showing my pain with ease. He helped me to my door and I bade him a good day and a thank you. He mumbled something about coming over later but I was in too much anguish to notice.

I closed my door and waited for his footsteps to disappear. As soon as they were, I sunk down to my hands and knees. Now it felt like the knife had horizontally sliced my stomach open side to side, and I waited for my guts to spill out. I gave a little moan of torture. I crawled agonizingly to the bathroom, everything swimming and in slow motion. I tasted a sick sweetness in my mouth and threw up on the tile of the bathroom.

Except this time, it was all blood.

I panicked and tried to stand up, but immediately collapsed again, screaming in pain. I moaned as more blood slid out of my mouth and down my chin, splattering on the floor. Tears of pain and fear slid down my cheeks and mingled with the slight blood on my chin. I needed to call someone. Takano immediately popped into my head.

I turned around, crawling exceedingly slow out of the bathroom. I clawed at the couch, yanking myself up slightly and forcing me on my feet. I ignored my screams of pain and half-crawled, half-walked to the end of the living room using the couch as support. I instantly collapsed back down on my knees. My limbs were unfeasibly heavy as I pushed forward, my stubbornness not relenting to the pain. I reached my bag on the floor and tipped it over, falling on my face as the bag did. My vision lost, my shaking hand reached forward as all my senses started to diminish. My body was shutting down, I realized.

'_Takano-san….I'm sorry. I should have told you….Masamune,' _I gave a final cough and blood bubbled out and trickled down my chin, '_I love you.'_

My final thought as I felt my fingers wrap around my phone.

.

.

.

**(Third-Person P.O.V)**

Something didn't feel right to Takano. He thought he heard a sound come from Onodera's house as he reached the elevator at the end of the hall. It sounded like a moan almost. But he brushed it off as his worried imagination. The elevator rolled down the shaft to the parking garage underneath the building, but an unsettling feeling of unease continued to pool in his stomach.

Something was not right. He just knew.

He walked out of the elevator with a frown on his face. Did he forget something about work? Had he left something at Onodera's somehow?

Onodera.

He knew it had something to do with Onodera. His natural ability to know something was wrong with Onodera was always right. Takano always understood when he was needed by his first love. When something was up with his Ritsu, he acquired the feeling of unease. Like now.

He immediately turned away from his car and quickly walked back to the elevator. His worry got the best of him and he mashed the button to go back up to their floor. The elevator creaked up the shaft ever so slowly. He tapped his foot as he waited. It finally dinged, informing him of its arrival. He squeezed out the door before it was fully open and walked down the hall.

'_I'm probably overreacting and he's just going to yell at me when I show up,' _Takano couldn't help but smile at the image of his little screaming uke. He knocked on the door to hear no response.

He checked the door to see it unlocked. _'I'm going to kill him,'_ Takano thought. He cautiously opened the door and called, "Onodera?"

He looked down to see his lover sprawled out on the floor, lifeless and blood coming from his mouth.

**Uh oh. Did he make it in time? Will Onodera survive?**

**Don't kill me! I'm not feeling this chapter either; I don't think I wrote it well enough, but whatevers! As long as you guys are satisfied! :3**

**Please review!**

**See you next chapter! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello! Sorry for the awful cliffy last chapter! I'm updating now because I have 7+ days full of exams coming up and I need to study and catch up on work this weekend, so I honestly have no idea of the next time I'll update. Might be just a week, two weeks, a month…..**

**But I won't abandon you! I'm sorry if this chapter is going to suck, but I'm low on time and inspiration! Gomen!**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 7-

_A vague sense of hearing…_

_A yell…a fleet of footsteps then hearing someone slump next to me…a familiar presence and smell…_

_Takano-san…_

_..._

Opening my eyes the smallest sliver, all I see is a blurry light. I feel the blood caught in my throat and the pain stabbing me so hard in the abdomen, it feels like someone shot me then stuck a red-hot stick in the wound. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet.

'_But this isn't how I'm supposed to die…Ebola just doesn't suddenly kill you like this…I had a year….'_

Though it just intensified the pain, I forced my eyes to crack open just a little more. The light clears and I notice the form next to me.

Takano is on his hands and knees, visibly trembling and eyes unbelievably wide. He's paler than me, staring at my lifeless and bloody figure on the floor. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen.

I try to talk, make a sound, anything to let him know I'm still alive, even barely. But I only come up with a weak cough, thick and wet. It sounds more like I'm choking because of the liquid in my throat, and I hear a few drops of blood hit the ground beneath my mouth. This startles him out of his shock and he pads closer.

"Ritsu…Ritsu, it's okay. I'm going to call for help, but I need you to lay on your side so you don't choke to death," His voice is laced with fear and extreme anxiety. My eyes slide over his face, taking in the last image I'll probably ever see.

He places his hands on my side, trying to push me back. But I make another choking sound, this one louder, because he pressed right into the area where the pain is most. He apparently understands this, so he maneuvers his hands to different positions. One hand on my hip and another on my shoulder, he pushes me from laying on my stomach to laying on my right side. I can't move at all, and I'm starting to feel myself slipping away again. My vision blurring, I make one last sound, this one weaker than the rest.

Is this really the last time I'll see the light of day? The last time I'll see Takano? Was this really how I'm supposed die; in front of the man I love and he'll possibly never know why?

I never saw my family for one last time. Mom, Dad, and An-chan…everybody. I'll never work again, live again, love again. Masamune will never know I loved him. Never know I've always loved him, I just didn't want to admit it. And I'll never know what it's like to truly be loved and cherished by someone else, not just your family.

I'm vaguely aware of the tears sliding down my cheeks. They slipped from underneath my nearly closed eyelids, the droplets laughing at my pain as they slid down my cheeks. Takano sees my tears and places a hand on my cold cheek.

"Don't cry Ritsu. You're going to live. You're going to make it and you'll live. Just stay with me," He quickly stands up and hurries over to the phone in the living room. He dials the emergency number and starts talking into the receiver desperately. I can't comprehend what he's saying because my brain is too fogged over. As the seconds pass, I feel my eyes slide close again and my breathing slow. I guess this is it; what I've been waiting for, what I've prepared for. So why am I so hesitant on letting go?

I suddenly hear his smooth, low voice next to me. I hear the last words before I entirely slip away.

"Please don't die, Ritsu. Don't leave me again."

.

.

.

Dull pain, more of an ache. Buzzing in my head, voices bouncing around. Beeping somewhere in the distance. A soft warmth covering me, but not familiar. The stale smells of cleaner and linen.

I'm aware that I'm breathing and my heart is pumping. I hear distant voices and beeps around me. I peel my lips open, taking in a deep breath. I'm….alive?

I've never felt more relieved in my life. I have enough strength to open my eyes, so I do. All I see is a white ceiling and lights. Then I skim my eyes over to the right and see a window. Two oak trees hang low outside, their leaves whispering against the glass. I look up a little and see a machine that is too familiar; a heart monitor. I'm in the hospital.

I turn my head left, my eyes following the movement. They land on the man sitting in a chair next to my bed. His elbows are on his knees and he's bent forward, his face in his hands. I recognize the man and know it's Takano.

I can't pull my eyes away as I watch him. I see a droplet of water suddenly appear and glide down his wrist, disappearing underneath his sleeve. Takano is crying. _He's crying_.

I blink away the sudden moisture that forms in my eyes. It is the most heart-breaking scene I've ever witnessed. And I know I'm the cause of it. I awkwardly clear my throat and his head shoots up. I see the water trails left behind on his cheeks, but he is quick to wipe them away. He sees me and his eyes widen.

"Ritsu," He whispers in surprise. He stands up, directly next to my bed. I look up at him and I'm suddenly pulled up into a tight embrace. I feel him trembling slightly and a rattling breath of air passes my ear.

"Ritsu," He repeats this one sadder. I pull my arms up weakly to wrap around his back and I give my own shuttering sigh. I feel him pull away slightly to press his lips to mine, his hands on either side of my face. We just stay like this. I don't care if anyone sees us, I'm just glad that he's holding me, that he's kissing me, that _I'm alive. _We're in our own world, just us and no one else. This is the kind of world I've been seeking. Happy and peaceful; no pain or suffering. A world with Masamune and Masamune alone.

We only break apart when we hear someone else enter the room and clear their throat. It's the doctor I know by the way he's dressed.

"Onodera-san, you're awake! I was starting to get worried because you've been asleep for nearly four days. But I'm not surprised with all the shock your body went through. You're lucky you survived with that much damage."

"D-Damage?" I'm aware that Takano is holding my hand, staring at the floor as we talk.

"You had major internal bleeding of your spleen and the left side of your stomach. We had to remove half your spleen because the damage was too great and give you a blood transfusion. You lost a lot of blood and most of it was pooled in your lower abdomen. You're a lucky man, Onodera-san."

Lucky? Lucky that I have Ebola, and that might of caused this incident? Will this happen again?

But I just forced a sad smile and replied, "Thank you. You saved my life."

"I didn't. The young man next to you did. If he hadn't found you or been just a few minutes later, you wouldn't be here now."

I looked back up at Takano, but his expression was unreadable as his hair covered his eyes. I looked back down to see the doctor leaving the room and I was left in the awkward atmosphere. We just stayed like that in silence, him holding my hand and looking away from me, as I waited for him to say something.

Finally, he said, "Do you know why you had internal bleeding?"

My breath hitched and my blood ran cold. Does he know? I decided to play innocent.

"I-I honestly don't know. Maybe too much stress at work….?"

"They told me why. It was a possible side effect of medication. But they didn't tell me why you were taking medication."

I suddenly remembered the warning I got from Dr. Yukue a long time ago when he prescribed the Ebola meds to me. He had told me the side effects and internal bleeding was a major one. He had told me to be careful and to watch myself. If I had any pain suddenly appear or I was puking blood, I was to go straight to the hospital. I guess I forgot about it because I was going to die anyways, so why did it matter?

"So, why are you?" He finally looked at me, straight in the eyes. I saw sadness, fear, and disappointment in his eyes. He was disappointed that I had lied to him, not told him I was sick. My heart was in a block of ice as I stared at him. His amber eyes bore into my own green ones and I was lost for words. What should I say?

I can't tell him. I couldn't tell him. Both of our hearts would break and I wouldn't be the only one in pain anymore. I didn't even know how he would react if I told him. Would he leave me? Would he be in too much despair to be around me, so I would be left alone? I had stayed up countless nights, staring at the wall, wondering these things. Would he not love me anymore, because he was going to lose me anyways? I couldn't bare the loss. It just wasn't fair. Why? Why me? Why not let me be happy for once?

But he deserved to know. He had saved my life. If he left me, it didn't matter. What would I have lost? I was going to die in a year, so I would gain or lose nothing. I love him, love him more than anything. And he said he loved me more than anything, so shouldn't he still love me even if he knew? But I knew I couldn't wait until the day I died. He had to know sometime. If you were dying, would you tell the one you loved?

I realized it was the right thing to do. It had to be. Then we could cope together, and I wouldn't be alone anymore. He would follow me into the dark. He would help me, cry with me, love with me. I realized I had been alone this entire time because it was my fault. I didn't want to tell him because I was being selfish. I didn't want to be hurt, but imagine the hurt he was going through, not knowing. What if Takano was dying? I would want to know, of course. And I realized my fear was the heart of my love.

"Because I have Ebola," it slipped out before I could stop it. But he just looked confused. Of course he wouldn't know what it was, it was rare.

"I have Ebola. It's a rare and incurable disease. An incurable disease that will kill me," I sounded so relaxed, so monotone as I said it. His eyes widened when he heard it was incurable. But I heard him gasp shortly when I said it will kill me. He just stared at me and I just stared at him. He had gripped the bed railing so tight, his knuckles where white and his hands shook. For what seemed like hours, neither of us said anything. We just let it all soak in. I broke the gaze and brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs and instead stared at my knees. I heard him take a deep breath. I barely heard him as he whispered.

"How long?"

I knew what he meant but I couldn't answer him. A few drops of tears plopped onto the blanket around my knees and I shakily sighed. I tried to swallow, but a lump was in my throat.

"A…..A year."

"…Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrunk back a little. I felt incredibly small and weak. I felt pain and despair. Did he feel the same? I whispered so quietly, I didn't think he heard me.

"…Because….I love you."

"What?"

"Because I love you," I said it louder, looking up as I did. The tears flowed freely now; down my cheeks then my jaw and throat, plopping onto the blankets. I noticed tears beading at the corners of Takano's eyes, and this caused me to start sobbing. I sobbed slowly, breathing heavily as I did. I brought my hands up to mouth and wept.

"Because I love you! I didn't tell you because I couldn't hurt you anymore because I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!" I was a wreck. I was breaking down right in front of Takano, wailing out what's been trapped in me for a long time. I didn't even know what I was saying anymore. I'm sure he was dying in the inside, desperate to scream and cry too. But he just stood there shocked, watching me collapse. He reached out to me and pulled me into a hug. He held me again as I cried and wailed in his ear, clutching his shirt. I felt déjà vu wash over me as I clung to him like a baby monkey, keening.

I only heard one sob escape his mouth, but it was a sound I would always remember.

**There you guys go. He told him. He finally told him.**

**You're probably wondering, "Hey, how come Takano isn't reacting more?" Because he's in shock. From my experience, when someone gets devastating news like that, they don't react much because of shock. They don't break down until later or after the person dies.**

**I wonder if anyone caught the song reference I made. It's an amazing, beautiful, and sad song called "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie. I actually got the title of this story from the lyrics. I kind of associate that song to this story, kind of like a theme song. I'm weird :P**

**Sorry if this was bad/rushed/not sad enough. Like I said, I'm low on time and inspiration! :3**

**See you next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi hi hi! I felt like I had to update today no matter what! Plus, it's Christmas Eve and Takano's Birthday! :D**

**Sorry, I know my story isn't really a great present for Takano…. *sweat drop***

**I got less reviews than usual, but thank you my faithful readers and reviewers! Please don't hesitate to review; it keeps me going!**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 8-

I had done it. I finally had done it. I told Takano I loved him, but not on a happy note. I had also told him the truth. A truth that killed him in the inside because he now knew I was dying. He barely spoke after I told him; he just sat in the chair next to my bed, staring at the floor. Isaka came in the next day, giving me his concern and asking Takano back to work. He looked up at him, his amber eyes boring into mine. He was silently asking if it was okay for him to leave me. I wanted him to leave, so he could just bury himself in work and forget for a while. I didn't want him thinking about it anymore.

My parents visited a few days later. My mother was strangely quiet, pale, and drawn. She told me I could visit after I left the hospital and I promised I would. Takano wasn't able to visit much because it was Hell Week at Marukawa, but I was glad he couldn't. I didn't want him to suddenly break down in front of me; I couldn't take it anymore. The sadness, the pain, the past.

A week and a half later, I was released from the hospital. I was put on strict bed rest for at least another week and not to put myself under a lot of stress. I faked a smile and bid my thanks, then took the train home. I was dying in the inside, and I was dreading the next moment I saw Takano.

I reached home a little after five. My apartment looked strange, almost alien. Then I remembered Takano had cleaned it almost three weeks ago. Was it really that long ago? In these three weeks I had found out I had a year left, suffered a side effect from my medication, and admitted my love for Takano while telling him I was dying. Best three weeks of my life.

I didn't know what to do now, so I just took a nap on my couch. I dreamt of nothing, just an impending darkness. When I awoke a few hours later, I realized that was my dream. A few moments later, I heard a knock on my door. I prayed it wasn't Takano.

I opened it slowly to see none other than Takano Masamune. He wore a melancholy and distant expression, as if he was lost among the world, drifting with no purpose and just sadness.

"Takano-san…."

"Onodera…can we talk?" His voice was soft and low, unlike his usual sharp and loud tone. I knew where this was going to go. I just opened the door fully, gesturing him in. He entered with no hesitation, going straight to the couch.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I followed him to the living room, but he merely shook his head. I slowly sank down next to him on the other end of the couch. I'm sure he could hear my racing heart, but even I couldn't tell if it was out of fear or love. We sat there a few minutes, nothing exchanged between us. Finally, I heard him take a deep breath and start.

"How long have you known? That you had Ebola?"

I blinked at his sudden question, but I answered anyways in hopes that this conversation would help abide through this new barrier.

"Since….since the day in high school when I confessed to you."

I watched as his hands tightened on the fabric of his jeans. He was staring at the floor again, his cool amber eyes dull and unfocused.

"Why did you never tell me?"

"….I was too happy in high school with you to shatter that joy. Then we broke up and I thought I'd never see you again. But when we found each other again, I didn't want to tell you because I thought you didn't deserve to know. But then I realized you should know, but I didn't want to tell you because I realized…I love you."

I shocked myself at how honest and calm I was acting. A heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but I felt that maybe I was being insensitive. The man next to me was suffering and breaking down, showing it on the outside. Though I was crying, screaming, and dying on the inside, I showed no signs of it. I guess that's was the way I dealt with things, the way I had always dealt with my disease. Takano hadn't said anything yet, so I continued.

"But Takano-san, I hope this won't change our relationship much. I don't want you to treat me like I'm made of glass now. I want us to enjoy the time we have left together, because we love each other right? I know it might hurt you too much and that's the last thing I want to do to you, but I want us to pursue a relationship and to be happy as much as we can. We don't have to, because…because I'll be gone soon anyways, but I've always wanted to be happy since I hardly ever was. I know I'll be happy if I was with you, but it really is your decision."

I nervously ran my palms across my knees as I finished. I was being so honest and so open, it almost scared me. I had really come to grips with my death so suddenly? I stole a glance up and saw Takano staring at me with wide eyes. He looked shocked, relieved, and scared all at the same time. The emotions soon washed over and he scooted closer, placing a hand lightly over my hand.

"Ritsu, you have no idea how long I've wanted for us to be together. I've loved you and searched for you for eleven years, swearing that I would be with you again. A long time ago, I told myself no matter the circumstances, I would be with you again. I also want us to be happy together, as long as we can. I want us to face this together and make the most of the time you have left, because I love you. I want to make you happy, so if you'll allow me, please let me take care of you," He stared deeply into my eyes, his determination and intentions clear. All his love and care for me shined through his eyes, and I couldn't help but get misty eyed. I quickly blinked my tears away, telling myself I've cried enough.

"M-Masamune….thank you," I embraced him, my arms tight around his waist. My face was buried deep in his shoulder and I sighed unsteadily, relief and slight happiness radiating inside me. I wanted to finally make Masamune happy and wanted to be happy myself. I felt I had passed a major milestone not only in our relationship, but in my short life. Maybe I actually had a chance to be fortunate, and earn the happiness I deserved after all I had gone through. I wouldn't be alone anymore. I wouldn't have to feel unwanted, vulnerable, small, and insignificant. Masamune would help me through it all, and though it would hurt us both, we would be together. I couldn't tell if I was getting cocky already, but at that moment, I didn't care. I was sitting here, Masamune's arms around me, and in love.

Hopelessly, foolishly, and stupidly in love.

**I know Ritsu seems a bit OOC in this chapter, but I feel he should finally be honest with himself and Takano. And sorry if this chapter sucks, I'm suffering a bit from writer's block. And sorry for lack of details of him in the hospital, I'm low on time. ;_;**

**Merry Christmas guys and a Happy New Year if I don't update by then! And Happy Birthday Takano Masamune! I'm really sorry that I'm doing this to your little uke (and you)! Gomen!**

**Please review! See you next chapter! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! Though I'm a week late…Happy New Year! Wow, 2014 already? Thank you guys for being with me and continuously supporting me! Let's make this another fantastic year!**

**Enjoy~!**

-Chapter 9-

Masamune spent the night. It was one of the few nights I had slept peacefully without waking in the middle of the night and staring at the ceiling. He held me tightly but lovingly, caressing my body with his. I didn't know what he really wanted or what he really felt, but I was happy to think that he wanted _this_. Us happily holding on to each other and making the most of our time. The most of my time.

Was I being selfish? After all, this relationship was, and basically always was, based on me and my decisions. Takano had been chasing _me_, waiting for _me_ to say "I love you", waiting for _me_ to say it was okay for a relationship. He had been ready for everything, everything but my sudden proclamation of assigned death. I had always wondered if he ever thought of a situation in which a long-term relationship would never be possible, because I was going to die. Because I was going to leave him again, nothing to stop me or to find me again.

I took a deep breath and shook my head idly. I was supposed to be positive now. No more negativity and no more doubts. This was for us, not just me anymore. I fell asleep with a foolish grin on my face. I didn't even know why I was smiling.

I woke up the next morning to find my bed side empty. I felt a small pang in my chest, but then I smelled breakfast cooking. I was being spoiled already. I pushed my tired body off of the bed and stretched up like a cat. It wasn't a good idea because of the surgery scars on my stomach and I felt a stinging pain. I rubbed my abdomen, deciding not to do that again. I went to the bathroom, to traditionally take my Ebola pills. After I did, I headed to the kitchen where I saw Takano's tall form in front of the stove. I stood beside him and a little behind and asked, "Um…what are you making?"

Takano turned at the sound of my voice, but turned back as quick. He responded, "Omelets."

I glanced at the kitchen clock and saw it was seven a.m. Takano didn't have to be at work until eight. I remembered I wouldn't be able to go to work for at least another week and I actually sighed sadly. I guess I came to like working at that hell hole. As Takano turned off the stove, I went and placed myself in a chair at the table. He passed me my plate and sat across from me, immediately digging into the food. The silence that usually enveloped us when we were together was there again, but it wasn't awkward. It was homely and welcomed, only filled with the clink of silverware and an occasional audible breath of air. When I was almost finished with my delicious breakfast, as expected of the overly-perfect Takano, I decided to speak up.

"So…Do you want to come to my parent's house with me later this week?"

"Eh? So soon?"

"No, not-," I shook my head, blushing a little, "Not because of _that_. They want me to visit because I haven't for a while, and I thought it would be nice if you met them. And because I don't want to be around my mother alone."

Takano raised his eyebrow with a small smile. I was glad he seemed to be handling everything well, at least on the outside.

"I-I mean, you don't have to. It was just a suggestion! Um, actually y-you're p-probably busy with work and s-stuff, so I'll j-just go myself…Forget I said anyth-," I felt the extreme heat in my cheeks and the stutter on my lips. Why was I suddenly so nervous?

"No, it's okay; I want to go. How about we go Saturday?" He stood up and swept up our plates, heading to the kitchen. I quickly stood up and followed, wanting to help.

"S-Sure, sounds good. I'll call my mother," I took up the position of drying the dishes after he washed them and putting them away. I noticed he was already dressed and organized, ready to leave as soon as he was done in the kitchen. I already felt lonely, knowing he was going to leave. After the dishes were cleaned, dried, and put in their rightful places, we dried our hands on a dish towel. I felt his hand on my cheek suddenly and he leaned down to caress my lips with his own. Soft and sweet, I couldn't get enough. I had become so desperate, hoping to adhere to him forever. I didn't want him to leave me so quickly or so soon. Is this how Takano felt when he was pursuing me, acknowledging his true feelings?

He pulled back too soon for my liking, but I tried to hide my disappointment. He embraced me tightly, his breath tickling my ear. We stayed like that for mere moments before I heard him say, "I love you Ritsu."

He squeezed me tighter as he said that and I felt myself blush. I mumbled, "Y-Yeah, you too."

"I'll be home before six," He patted my head lightly as he left the kitchen. He grabbed his bag, slipped on his shoes, and left. He left too quickly, but I would never say that aloud. I guess the only thing to do was to call my mother. She would be awake by now.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number, maybe a bit too reluctantly. I loved my mother, but she was so controlling and pushy. I know she did everything because she loved me and she just wanted me to be happy, but let's just say I was happy when I moved out.

The phone was picked up on the third ring and I heard my mother's voice call, "Ritsu?"

"Hi Mom."

"Oh, Ritsu dear! How are you? Are you resting? What's wrong?"

"Calm down, I'm fine. I just called to ask if it was okay to visit this weekend. Like Saturday."

"Of course, of course! I'll tell your father so he'll make himself available."

"No, that's okay! He doesn't have to, I'm sure he's busy!"

"Ritsu, you are our only son," She said sincerely, "He can make time for you."

I decided it was pointless to argue. Why should I anyways? I barely saw my father and I never would again soon.

"Okay. Um, is it okay if I bring a….friend?"

"Who is it?" I could almost see the sly smile she got as she said, "Is it that boss of yours, Takano-san?"

"H-How did you know?!"

"Ritsu, is there anything…._more _going on between you two?"

"U-Uh, um…," Should I tell her? What would she say? I honestly didn't know where she would stand on a situation like this. I would I tell her. _'Well, you know I'm dying already. Did you also know that I'm gay? No pressure though!'_

I was dying, so what difference would it make? If she knew and hated me, I didn't care anymore. It's not like I would live an entire lifetime regretting and wallowing in self-pity. I took a deep breath and said something I had planned never to tell her.

"Um….yeah, yeah I guess there is. Masamune is my b-b-boyfriend," I stuttered. I held my breath, dreading the silence that stretched between the phones. Then I heard my mother giggle. Then chuckle. Then laugh straight out. I was so confused, I stayed silent.

"Ritsu, it's okay. We would still love you, no matter what. What right do we have to judge? Whatever makes you happy dear, because you need it. You deserve so much because your life is being robbed away. Go out and do whatever makes the rest of your life enjoyable."

I couldn't stop the huge smile that spread across my cheeks as she spoke. I guess I was so paranoid, basing everyone's opinion on what I thought they would say. In this judgmental world, I honestly didn't know what to expect. I haven't smiled genuinely more in these past two days then in the past two years of my life.

"Thank you. You'll love him."

**This chapter feels more light-hearted than the rest. I'm in a good mood, so I guess that's why. Why am I writing a tragedy in a happy mood? O_O**

**This chapter was pretty slow, but because it was a bit of a filler. Next chapter will be his visit to his parents! :D Hopefully after next chapter, I can get it back into the tragedy mood. I am having a lot of writer's block with this story right now. Any suggestions? ;_;**

**I got into the Fairy Tail anime recently and omg…..I LOVE IT! SO GOOD! Any other Fairy Tail lovers? :3**

**Okay, I'll shut up now. Bye! Please review!**

**See you next chapter! :)**


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